Every time those three words are about to come spilling out of my mouth, I kiss you instead. Because I'm still afraid to say them. But that makes it sort of hilarious when you bully me about giving you too many kisses all the time.

You make everything better.

I feel like I'm going to explode if I can't say those words soon. I want him to know. And I want to hear him say the words so much.

I need a breeeak. I put way too much on my plate. I need to remember that I don't work very hard if I don't care about it, haha. Though right now I'm just excited about wushu. And mildly excited about getting our first cadaver leg. But other than those two things, there's not much else that could make me want to spend time away from him.

You mean the world to me. But I'm still afraid to say it. I want you to know, and I want so bad to hear those words from you. When is the right moment? But still, I'm grateful for every second. I don't want to ask for more because what you give me is more than enough. 

I don't like sleeping without you. It makes me feel uncomfortable.  Like one of those dreams you can't quite call a nightmare because while nothing obviously terrible is happening, you know something is off.
It's a dream that doesn't have you in it.

Pretty confused. Preoccupied. Freaking out. Not liking this at all.

Feeling a little worn down and overburdened. Need more people to step up to the plate and not groan about it. But in the end, it's worth it I guess.

Need to work harder, but too busy enjoying life.

So used to having him with me every night now. I don't think I can imagine the rest of my life any other way. But let's not tell him that just yet. I can't even get the courage to tell him those three words yet even though it's been sitting on my tongue for months now. I guess part of me still wants to hear him say it first.

ready for vacation :]

Can't wait until next week is over. Two weeks away from work! One week to train like crazy and another week to be a complete bum until school starts :D.

Sometimes I have a hard time believing how happy I am.

I feel so warm <3.

I had a dream last night that is too embarrassing to share because of how happy it made me.

I have the perfect idea >].

I really want to say the words...

I shouldn't procrastinate so much. On the bright side, gen chem 2 is still a hundred times easier to understand than organic chem even though I haven't been paying attention in class. The textbook we're using is just very well written in my opinion. Tragically, the econ textbook can't hold my attention for more than three minutes. Most of the time, the book is giving arbitrary name to intuitive mathematical relationships. I can't seem to digest the information because it seems so trivial. Unfortunately, if I can't remember the term they use for something, I won't be able to answer the question... We'll see if I can manage to read seven chapters tomorrow.

But it's okay. Because life is good.

It's fine to joke about how I'm "spoiled," but if anyone showed even a small sign of honestly believing that--I'd have some ass-kicking to do.  My parents only pay for my medical and car insurance, which is something most people my age in college can't say. If I like to spoil myself with my self-earned money, then fine, call me spoiled. But it's my freaking money that I earn, scholarship and internship.

And I may be lazy at my internship, but the people who point that out don't know half as much as I do about programming >[. I'd like to see them figure out C++, Qt, and VTK in a week.

Now that that's out, I'm back to feeling the absolute joy of life mentioned in my previous post :D. 

Life feels so full. I don't feel the need to say the words so urgently anymore. It feels like it's being said without words. And it fills me up with so much warmth to know it's shared.

I need to get more motivated with this school stuff. Ruh roh, guys.

Every part of me wants to say it. I want to say it so much. I want to tell him those three words. 

Oh sweet jeezus, I'm going to get eaten alive at collegiates. Especially since it's in Oregon, I'm guessing we might get a lot more California competitors... I'm so not ready for advanced straight sword. I'm gonna get rocked hard. Rooooar.

Sometimes, I am just so unsure of the way you feel. And tonight, I wanted you to stay with me.

I've been having extremely vivid dreams lately, possibly due to the regular, healthy sleep I've managed to be consistent about. Though I suppose it's only the first week of school and I haven't had any real work to do. I've really enjoyed being able to laze around and I love cooking. I'm dreading as well as looking forward to next week. We'll see how things go.

I really want to say the words...

School starts officially in about 7.5 hours. We'll see if I can handle waking up early in the morning. My MWF classes start at 9am while TuTh are 9:30am. Thankfully, I end most of my days early except for Thursdays when I have BSCI330 lab until 5pm. This week should be easy since I don't have lab, discussions or work. The week after this... we'll see how I handle it. For now, I am enjoying my apartment and I love cooking. I just wish I knew more recipes. I'll work on it.

I don't enjoy being at home, especially when "home" is my parents' house. There's too much screaming and hitting. I can't wait until I move in to my apartment on Friday. That will be exciting! I need a queen-sized memory foam pad thing. Hmm...

I'm pissed. I want to say something stupid, do something stupid. Maybe do something a little self-destructive. I'm so angry that I feel the way I do right now. I need something to do.

Or maybe the pill is just fucking up my emotions.

All I want is some reassurance. I need to know that I'm important, that I'm wanted. And I need it to be said loud and clear to my face because I won't understand anything less than that. I need something.