I'm not going to be the better person. There's just too much history and too many old grudges I've never gotten over. I'm going to get irrational, and no one can tell me I should try to be the better person. This is the one part of me that will always be ugly. I know that family is family. But I don't owe it to them to "fix" anything. Her happiness is not my responsibility.

We need to take a break from the videogames...

This is the first time I've ever entertained thoughts of leaving terpwushu. It feels a little sad but why I do I think there's so much relief on the other side?

Had a dream last night about having our first kid...

Though at the end, it got weird because I turned into a dolphin to give birth. My dreams are so weird.

I'm just a little worried, maybe.

How do you make everything instantly better? When you didn't want to let me go this morning, I could've forgotten the rest of the world. All I ever need is just you, and only you.

Favorite Drink Recipes Variations

1. Frozen Mango Mojito
• 2 shots of mango cruzan rum
• 1 shot simple sugar syrup
• 1 shot mango nectar
• sprigs of mint
• fresh juice from half a lime
• a lot of ice
• blender
2. Citrus Cruzan Rum Lemonade
• 1 shot citrus cruzan rum
• splash of lime juice
• add ice
• fill to top with lemon/lime soda
3. White Cuban
• 1 shot vanilla/coconut cruzan rum
• 1 shot bailey's/kahlua
• add ice
• fill to top with milk
4. Midori Sour
• 1 shot midori
• 2 shots whiskey sour
• add ice
• fill to top with lemon/lime soda
5.  Tokyo Iced Tea (to try)
• 1/2 shot midori
• 1/2 shot tequila
• 1/2 shot white rum
• 1/2 shot midori
• 1/2 shot gin
• 2 shots lemon/lime soda
• 1 shots gomme syrup

This morning, when you asked me if we could just stay in bed all day, I couldn't help but feel so ridiculously lucky. I hope you know that I'm never letting you go. You make me too happy.

The second time we snuck onto the neighboring beaches at the Ritz, we walked by the empty setup for a wedding ceremony right below an adorably perfect tree. Sarah excitedly suggested that we take a picture there and I couldn't help but drag you by the hand to the spot under the tree. It almost made my heart burst when you weren't that reluctant at all to follow me. As Sarah took the picture, she goaded us into a kiss and now there's a picture of us smooching under tree where a wedding would take place. Other than swimming with sea turtles, I think I like this memory from St. Thomas the best. And I need to get my hands on that picture.

frozen mango mojito

Favorite new drink that I had as often as I could at St. Thomas. This is the recipe as I can remember it from watching the bartender, Larry:

1. 2 shots of mango cruzan rum
2. 1 shot simple syrup
3. 1 shot mango nectar
4. sprigs of mint
5. fresh juice from half a lime
6. a lot of ice
7. blender

I will be trying to get this recipe to taste like it did at St. Thomas for the next few weeks :D.

Sometimes, I worry. Sometimes, it is too easy to forget that this is about giving and not expecting anything in return. I am rather selfish. It is hard to resist the urge to feel as if things are surely entitled to me rather than gifted. No one person really owes any obligation to another. Thinking that certain things are your due is misguided and rather disastrous. If you are happier receiving love than giving it, you are taking that person for granted. 


Even though I can't help but want to demand more affection, I know I could happily spend the rest of my lifetime just showering him with kisses.

Had an awesome dream last night that was more coherent than most, haha.

I was sent to confront the head dragon of what seemed to be a human/dragon shape-shifting society. Armed with some sort of potion, I entered a room and came face-to-face with the dragon in his human form (which looked a lot like honeybunny). I attempted to hide the potion by pouring some in my mouth, hoping to get close to the dragon and spitting it on him (which seems like an awful plan). Circling the dragon, I attempted to attack but he seemed to already know my plan. He took the upper-hand and proceeded to seduce me (lol).

Sadly enough, my dream skipped over the dirty scene and went straight to the aftermath. I found myself immobilized and next to a pile of dried-out corpses that were half dragon and half woman. Some text next to it started to glow and I was told something that my dream decided was unimportant for me to remember. The next moment, I had given birth to a snake-like dragon which the shot out of the room. I regained control of my limbs and I left the room to chase after the dragon into a banquet room full of people. The newly-born dragon was attacking the head dragon on the ceiling of the banquet room, crashing into really nice chandeliers.

At this point of the dream, I suddenly knew that there were no female dragons, and that the corpses in the other room were failed transformations. With that, there was something glowing bright red in my body and I came to the conclusion that I had transformed into the heart/mother of dragons. I started yelling at the two dragons fighting and threatened them to stop. When they didn't listen, I ripped off a piece of my flesh, which caused pain in all the people/dragons in the banquet room. After that, I think I was essentially the queen of dragons trolololol.

There were some more to the dream. There was a weird time lapse in which I was watching through the role of the male, head dragon and some battles (and whatnot). But I remember less about it. I just recall some other dude I (as the male, head dragon) had cut at the torso for some purpose and was trying to make it up to him.

Anywaaaay, I woke up telling Henry that we were dragons in my dream. Lol

List of Songs

• Stellar - Incubus
• Starlight - Muse
• Crazy For You - Adele
• 1000 Things - Jason Mraz
• Each Day Gets Better - John Legend
• Stay With You - John Legend
• All of You - John Legend
• 
  

It feels so good to have you here everyday now. I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life coming home to you.

I'm getting super antsy. It's been too long since the last time I've done wushu. Final exams week is making me go bat-shit crazy. I think I have to go to the gym tomorrow just to get this restlessness out of my system, or I will go insane. All I can think about is what I need to do in order to get into shape and start working on my wushu. I feel incredibly unsatisfied and I want to do something about it. Too bad I need sit my ass down and focus on my last exam and then the MCAT. Need to crush that shit so I don't have to worry about anything for a year and just work on wushu...

I NEED TO GET MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT. SLAP SOME SENSE INTO ME.

Hope you know that I'm never letting you go. You are the only person I need, and the only person I would do anything for. I want you everyday and every moment because you make me so brilliantly happy. You are my comfort and my warmth--you are my happiness. I just want to treasure you for the rest of my life.

The giant teddy bear helps a lot during the nights you aren't here <3

You make me so happy, it's ridiculous. 

More and more, I'm glad I decided to delay my medical school applications by a year. I didn't realize it at the time, but I needed a year off for wushu. I feel like I keep speculating about my potential but have yet to prove anything to myself. I need to know how far I can go, and I hope that after I graduate (and take the MCAT again), I'll finally have the chance to find out.

Though, if I don't get into any medical schools, I'll have even more time for wushu. Haha...

It's getting harder and harder to muster the motivation to do work. Senioritis is full blown and the only thing I want to do all day is think about wushu and honeybunny. The capstone project is just a big, painful thorn in my ass. I need to graduate faster please. I'm starting to care less and less about getting a 4.0 this semester. Give me B's, I don't give a damn.

I want a vacation. I want to be a bum.

Thai Iced Tea Ice Cream Recipe

1 egg yolk
2 cups heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
3 packets DeDe Instant Thai tea

• 1.      Heat milk and cream until simmering.
• 2.      Add thai tea until all of it is dissolved (best to do this packet at a time).
• 3.      Whisk egg yolk in separate container.
• 4.      Add spoonful of warm milk/cream mixture to eggs and continue whisking.
• 5.      Repeat step 4 until egg yolk mixture is diluted enough so it will not curdle.
• 6.      Add egg yolk mixture to milk/cream mixture from step 1.
• 7.      Cool mixture in refrigerator for 2 hours.
• 8.      Churn mixture in ice cream maker.
• 9.      Freeze overnight.

Despite that fact that we've been together for almost three years now, this past weekend was the first time I got to take care of you while you were sick.  You probably didn't enjoy the terrible fever and headaches, but this weekend sort of ended up as another precious memory for me.

I just can't get over the adorable face you looked at me with when you asked for those forehead kisses over and over again. With that face, point at whatever you want and I will kiss it or die trying.

Had a weirdly vivid dream last night again. Woke up wanting you in my arms. Mostly because the last thing I was doing in my dream was making out with you... Seriously, why am I such a big pervert about you? I'm so silly.

Lately I've been thinking that I just want us to move in together somewhere.

I'm so impatient.

It's been almost three years since my ACL recon. They say that it takes two years before you start to feel normal. But the secret is that when you have to deal with a problem for more than two years, it becomes normal. You become habituated to the chronic pain and increased limitations and weakness of your body. Suddenly, you find yourself saying, "Oh, it's just my knee again," like a broken record. And it's not just a matter of pain, the experience morphs into a certain mindset and mental reflex. Your body develops this subconscious monster single-mindedly trying to avoid re-injury. It's like having an excuse to be a coward that no one, not even your own mind, can argue with. Who can fault you for being scared to push your limits if it means risking another surgery.

And it breaks my heart sometimes. I feel like I used to be so much braver. I miss being reckless and getting away with stupid stunts by the skin of my teeth. But the line separating challenge from risk is so much closer to my eyes now.

Completed Recipes List

[x] Parmesan chicken
[x] Baked Ziti
[x] Spinach Gnocchi
[x] Swedish Meatballs
[x] Cheesy Jalapeno Pull Bread
[x] Lamb Curry
[x] Chicken Soup with Ginger and Shiitake Mushrooms
[x] Curried Pork Empanadas
[x] Basil Chicken in Coconut Curry Sauce
[x] Microwave Mochi
[x] Chicken Pasta with Thyme-Mint Cream Sauce
[x] Spaghetti alla Carbonara
[x] Mango Chicken Curry
[x] Fettucine Alfredo

[x] Chicken with Mushroom Cream Sauce
[x] Smoked Salmon Pasta
[x] Pasta with Chicken and Asparagus
[x] Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins
[x] Bourbon Chicken
[x] Pasta Primavera
[x] Asian Chicken Noodle Soup
[x] Creamy Miso Chicken Pasta
[x] Grilled Chicken Rigatoni Florentine
[x] Almond Crusted Tilapia
[x] Coconut Shrimp with Sweet Chili Mayo 
[x] Bay Scallops with Garlic Parsley Butter
[x] Seared Sea Scallops
[x] Vietnamese Garlic Noodles
[x] Tomato Eggs
[x] Black and Bleu Pizza
[x] Panko-crusted Salmon Recipe
[x] Miso-glazed Salmon
[x] Broiled Parmesean-Lemon Tilapia
[x] Sticky Rice and Mango
[x] Thai Red Curry
[x] Chinese Braised Soy Sauce Eggs
[x] Chinese Tea Eggs
[x] Baked Cod with Ritz Crackers
[x] Crockpot Mushroom Risotto
[x] Crockpot BBQ chicken
[ ] Crockpot Carnitas
[ ] Crockpot Beefstew
[ ] Pesto Recipe
[ ] Baked ling Cod with Lemon-Garlic Sauce
[ ] Szechuan Shrimp
[ ] Coconut Tilapia with Apricot Dipping Sauce
[ ] Baked Ling Cod with Lemon-Garlic Sauce
[ ] Chicken and Cashews
[ ] Garlic Chicken with White Wine Sauce

[ ] Spicy Chicken Nuggets Chicharrones de Pollo
[ ] Garlic Knots
[ ] Potato Gnocchi
[ ] Everything Bagel Bombs

I'm gonna say those words to him on Friday or die trying. There better be a right moment that night. *shakes fist at sky*

I'm also excited to give him his birthday present! I hope he likes it xD

<3 separation anxiety after just one day. I'm a nutjob--domo agrees with me.

Call me crazy but I'm telling you, I'm just crazy for you.